[Have you read the Introduction yet? Start here.]
April 2012 – Here’s the real deal: I am at a huge crossroads in my life right now, and I have a chance to make some big changes for the better if I embrace the opportunity I’ve been given. That being said, I obviously have some major body image issues to sort through. It would be really huge for me to make strides in this area because it’s something that’s disrupted my life on sooooo many levels (psychological, physical, sexual, you name it … ) for as long as long as I can remember. But you know what? I don’t think losing some weight is going to solve all my problems. I’ve done that before. I’ve gotten down to an “ideal body weight,” and like I said, I’ve gotten to a place where I really looked good (or at least I could admit it to myself when looking at pictures years later). But I think my problem is bigger. And I think maybe this is a really great time to pause, take a look, try to wrap my mind around it, and really conquer it … whatever that may mean.
So back to my original question: What am I supposed to look like?
At this point in my life, I have no idea. And I guess that’s okay. I’m just going to keep taking it a day at a time, and I suppose I’ll figure it out eventually. As for the weight loss plan? Meh. Sure! Why not? Maybe it will help with my self-esteem issues, anyway. And it will definitely be healthier in the long run. Whether I will get back into my jeans? Hah. We shall see. I guess a girl can hope.
You know what? I don’t know if I’ll ever know the answer to this question. Contrary to what the media says. I don’t think I’m ‘supposed to’ look like anything. Or anyone. So I say, “IN YOUR FACE!” to the little devil on my shoulder. On good days. But most of the time, I just … am.
All I know is I feel great. Most of the time. I’ve come a long way. For now, that’s good enough. Because that’s all I’ve got. When I don’t feel great, my husband has taught me a great mantra: Tomorrow is another day.
What about you? What are your thoughts on the subject?