In my bed.
On my clothes.
In my food.
All over the house.
I even spot strands of it stuck to my children and my husband. Probably from hugs.
I’ve been out of ICU for about 12 weeks, and now I’m losing my hair. Handfuls, brushes and combs full. For the past month. And it’s not showing signs of stopping anytime soon.
I often wonder if it will ever grow back. We don’t know yet.
The doctors are starting to throw around words like “autoimmune disease” and EDS and “no cure.”
Of all the symptoms I’m experiencing–and there are many–hair loss is one of the hardest. Because it affects my appearance. And in our image-obsessed society, we just can’t have that, can we?
I was going to post a “before” picture of my long luscious locks, but after reading this article from Beauty Redefined, I decided not to.
This quote particularly struck a chord:
What if instead of thinking of ourselves in static, reductive terms of “before” or “after,” we thought of ourselves as in between those two points: during. Any photo you take of yourself right now is just a “during” shot. You are “during” (and enduring) a journey of a million befores and afters.
-Lexie Kite, Beauty Redefined
“Run and hide,” says the devil on my shoulder. “Laugh it off,” says the angel on the other side. “Be brave, be brave,” beats my heart.
Either way, I take a big breath … put on my hat (or not) and walk out the door. Because I am more than a diagnosis. I am more than a body.