Friday was my big appointment with the rheumatologist. The one I’ve been waiting months for.
It was supposed to be DIAGNOSIS Day. I was supposed to find DIRECTION. We were going to develop a plan of attack and beat this thing. I was hoping for lots of ANSWERS!!! (Okay, so that doesn’t start with ‘D,’ but still …)
Well, none of that happened.
Instead I felt DISMISSED. The doc treated me like I was a wee bit DELUSIONAL. It was a huge DEAD END.
In short, it was really DUMB!!!
DUMB, I tell you!
Okay, enough with the ‘D’s. You get the idea. Truthfully, I’m just trying to add some levity to a situation that is totally infuriating!
So … What did the good doctor say?
She disagrees with all four of my other doctors. Basically her ‘expert opinion’ is that there is nothing wrong with me, and I just need to recover from my ordeal in the hospital. (Apparently losing 40 lbs and most of my hair and still struggling to walk almost 5 months later is just run-of-the-mill?)
She recommended physical therapy for my painful joints, said I should probably see a neurologist about the tremor in my hands, and asked me to follow up with her in 3 months. She’s running some blood work “just in case,” but is “pretty sure none of it will come back positive.” Really?
Um … I might not have a medical degree, but … Doesn’t it feel like we’re missing something?
Okay. So. I don’t have anything against doctors. In fact, I am immensely grateful for several fabulous doctors, some of which have literally saved my life on more than one occasion. My little brother is a doctor, and I know how much work and sacrifice goes into his trade.
However … Has anyone else had this experience with specialists? Like they feel the need to prove all the other doctors wrong … because they are the expert … and they know better?
I got the same attitude from a gastroenterologist eight years ago. Luckily he decided to “humor me” and do an endoscopy “just to prove nothing was wrong.” Not kidding. He actually said that. Well, good thing we took a peek because we found a softball-sized cyst, and my pancreas was bleeding into it. Right.
So what am I supposed to do now?
For one thing, I’m heading back to one of my doctors who actually gives a darn and has known me longer than five minutes. Next, the neurologist I guess? *sigh* So. Exhausted.
And do you know what’s really crazy? I didn’t sleep much last night. I started to wonder (again) if it’s all in my head … if somehow I did this to myself … if the rheumatologist is right–that there is nothing wrong with me.
Is it just me? Have you ever felt this way in the middle of a medical mystery? It’s all upside-down, I tell ya. Maddening.
On a lighter note … I got a sweet haircut today. I keep rubbing the back of my head and wondering where those last five long strands have gone. Haha! No more Beverly Hillbillies or Linus-look-alike hairstyles for me … at least for now. *wink, wink*
Also, I have been super distracted showering my Littlest for his birthday. (Our birthdays always last an entire week; it’s a family rule.) We did something very ‘constructive’ this year! It’s amazing what you can come up with when you’re too blasted tired to throw a party at the house!
Ridiculously cute pics to come. It’s time for some happy, fun stuff on my blog! Stay tuned.
Photo credit (top, WWII planes): Carnegie Science Center