[Have you read the Introduction yet? Start here.]
April 2012 – Okay, y’all. Here’s the deal. The boys and I moved in with my parents about two months ago. In the first 6 weeks I lost about 6 pounds. Not on purpose. I just didn’t have an appetite and was incredibly sick and nauseated. I’m pretty sure this happened after the first affair, too. I distinctly remember, the day after I found out, having to rush to the bathroom at a restaurant and vomiting in the middle of dinner. Fun times.
Then after the first month and a half with my folks, the binge eating began. Anything chocolate. Anything sweet and especially fresh out of the oven. Down the hatch. All day. Late at night. Lots of breakfast cereal any time, day or night. Comfort food. More comfort food. Gimme, gimme, gimme. *sigh* At least I know this pattern is not an isolated one. Thank you for your post, Munchies of a Betrayed Wife, back in the day, Jacy!
Anyway … after about 8 weeks, I’ve decided I’m really done being on the emotional eating cycle. At this point, it truly is approaching bulimic proportions. So I’m committing now, on a public forum, to give up my seat on the roller-coaster. I just can’t take it anymore.
Sometimes I wonder about food. It seems like eating has always been such a guilt-laden experience for me. I’m not sure why. Add in a traumatic/stressful situation, and whoa, doggies! If I could just swallow a pill each day instead of having to mess with food (and be perfectly healthy), I would totally do it. That’s how much I abhor the food conundrum.
Are there any other emotional eaters or traumatized not-hungry people out there? I’ve experienced both sides of the coin on different occasions in my life, and I don’t really know what to think about it all. What are your thoughts?
3 thoughts on “Body Image Series, Part 2: Food”
You ask such great questions and I am looking forward to the rest of this series.
I was 125lbs when I discovered my husbands affairs/sex addiction 2 months later I was 97lbs and my periods had stopped. I was put on medication to relive the anxiety I had an was told to eat “healthy fats” such as peanut butter and avocados to put some weight back on.
Thus began the bowls and bowls of peanut butter and chocolate chips in bed every night for a year, chased with a cocktail (or 2)!! I don’t think that’s what my doctor had in mind.
One of my theories on this is that the way we eat is a reflection of how we feel about ourselves. Love yourself=nourish yourself hate yourself=harm yourself. When we have been devastated by betrayal we see ourselves as we believe our husbands saw us when they chose to cheat.
Theory 2 is that when your life is out of balance, with emotional highs and lows, our eating reflects that. This is why maintaining a healthy weight is not about the food, it is about loving yourself and maintaining a balance between discipline and pleasure
BAHAHAHA! Bowls of peanut butter and chocolate chips??? I thought I invented that! Love, love LOVE your thoughts on this, Michelle.
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